I want to share with you my single status experiences of late, which sometimes creates angst for me. I became single late in life after 25 years of marriage. At this stage in my life I am a little afraid of entering into a relationship other than I would like to meet someone who would like to go out with me occasionally, you know share coffee, concert tickets, dinner, theatre etc, and who would like to get to know each other slowly like normal people. Someone who would give me time to get used to the idea of having a man back in my life and someone who understands that this is difficult for me without getting all twisted over it.
Now you would think that is not too difficult a thing to ask, but let me tell you there are a lot of really desperate men out there. Not to mention the weirdo's, oh my god I have had the most horrible three weeks of my entire existence. I haven't had a date in 3 years. Not because I cannot get one but because I am not too sure that I want one so I avoided it, a bit like the plague. Then some of my cousins whom I love dearly and who feel it is their job to get me hitched started giving me some advice. I thought about what they were saying so I decided to 'put myself out there' as one of my cousins so nicely worded it. I went out to bars, clubs and the casino. Not one of them did I enjoy. Did that for 6 months then decided it was a waste of time not to mention money, because I got hit on by every married man in the places I visited (and why may I ask are they out on their own hitting on single women) eeewwww!!!
So after that torturous 6 month experience I decided to get drunk and go home. Which I did. Been home now for over 6 months and I have to say am very happy, until my cousins started on me again. So feeling obligated to at least make an effort I went on line. Oh my god what a zoo. I have been online dating now for 3 weeks. In that time I have had 1 scammer, 1 slightly crazy mother and I made a couple of very poor choices that I choose not to discuss here. I have to say it has been an experience and a learning curve. But definitely a zoo.
Now I could have got all bent out of shape over the last 3 weeks and if I had no sense of humour what so ever I reckon I may have gotten depressed, but seeing the funny side to my experiences and being the eternal optimist I actually learnt something.
One of the things I learnt is that I am afraid to get back into a relationship and it is okay that I feel that way. Secondly never ever ever listen to well meaning cousins who love you so much that they think you need a man in your life to keep you happy....lol Thirdly the scammer guy actually turned out to be good therapy and showed me what it would be like when my soul mate does come along.
As I said I am the eternal optimist, so my latest good choice is to sign off from online dating, and go back into the real world where I live and breathe and belong and generally have a lot of fun.
Cyber space is interesting but Im bored now, so anyone for tennis?
Crikey! You are braver than me, I wouldn't even attempt on-line dating LOL
ReplyDeleteI think your final conclusions are spot on. Well meaning cousins aside, no-one else can really make those choices for you. And I reckon that long-time partners come from some unikely places, sometimes you just trip over them....which I think is more natural and gives you time to get to know each other. You are such a big personality Barb- it is going to have to be someone pretty together and special to be your mate, given that there are so many dysfunctional men out there, it may not be easy. But I reckon it will happen when you are ready.
Thanks Michelle and I do agree I am scary for men I mean....lol But I think I am ready to dip my toes in the water. The good thing about my last three weeks experience is that I learnt so much about myself. Hopefully the 'back off Im not interested sign' that was pasted on my forehead has now gone and one really smart intelligent not dysfunctional man will be brave and ask me out. Online was like therapy, I reached the lowest lows and highest highs and ventured into territory that I normally would have left alone. Very productive really and funny to boot....lol I tell you Michelle I am so glad I have a sense of humour.
ReplyDeleteMe too (about the humour) You gotta laugh.
ReplyDeleteMy Robin reckons I am scarey for men, but there are obviously men who are man enough to cope with women like us.
I think the 'back-off' sign is valid if it keeps the less brave men away! LOL I reckon they need to 'earn' it and it's OK if they have to jump through some hoops. I don't mean I want a tame trained dog either, but men do need to respect women, it's just the energetics of the thing. Just read the Tantric books about that....
I think humour and seeing the learning curve in everything we do is good for the self. I mean I did not realise I had the 'back off sign' until I met the scammer guy and he was really really good at making me look at myself and my own insecurities. I think he may have studied psychology. I do want to share my life with someone but not just anyone. Im glad you have a brave man Michelle.
ReplyDeleteNow to wait for mine. See thats the thing, I don't need to look because I have total faith that my soul mate will come along. I just got to stop listening to my cousins.....lol
I will read the Tantric books after I get back from the conference. I have the Book of Love - Karma Sutra but I haven't read it yet. Will get to it later, but to be honest, I know what I want and I am happy to wait for it, you know.
ReplyDeleteI think its just that my cousins think I am going to be an old maid or something and that is their fear not mine. I don't mind being on my own, I like the peace and quiet and I love the stillness of being alone. Its very relaxing because I live a very busy and active working life.
I can understand that and I agree, people do project their fears onto you. I have practised being aware of that and now I am pretty good at saying, nup, that's not mine OR OK, I need to look at that. I still love being alone and I get a fair bit of me time so I understand that one too. Now....just let me think of someone I could introduce you to. LOL
ReplyDeleteOld maids don't paddle canoes with eskies... only the adventurous... and soul mates... maybe being the water one that you are, maybe to find that soul mate you need to wade through some jelly fish in the shallows to find the right depths where the real fish swim?? Keep on paddling... some jelly fish are all jelly and some have a sting, but you in your boat should have nothing to fear...
ReplyDeleteOh so wise both of you....lol Okay I shall keep paddling and enjoy the scenery.....lol
ReplyDelete